Say Gute Nacht Jurgen Klinsmann

How about it taking 1:02 to learn how to say “Good Night” in German??

The time has come.  Jurgen has lost his fastball.  It’s been an experience.  You’ve managed to unearth a lot of talented dual nationals to join up with the US but you’ve failed in your goal of Making America Great Again.  (for the first time. ever.  at soccer)

The start to the Hex can only be described as humiliating.  Losing to Mexico in Columbus, OH on a goal by our arch enemy Rafa Marquez could have been the nail in the coffin.  THEN you go out and get bent over by Costa Rica??  4-0??  Fuck out of here German boy. 

bye felicia.gif

How about this headline from a 2014 article from the New York Times

How Jurgen Klinsmann Plans to Make U.S. Soccer Better (and Less American)

That has kind of been my issue with Jurgen this whole time.  To come in and immediately disparage the mindset of the country you are coaching is an odd move.  Klinsmann was litterally the new guy in the office who comes in saying the old guy sucked as his job and he’s going to change everything.  Usually doesn’t work out that way.  From the same article:

“We cannot win this World Cup, because we are not at that level yet,” Klinsmann told me over lunch in December. “For us, we have to play the game of our lives seven times to win the tournament.”

Really guy?  We have to play the game of our lives 7 times?  We were in the Group of Death.  I get it.  But don’t act like we have never performed on the biggest stage before. Are you forgetting about this?

FIFA World Cup record
Year Result Position Pld W D L GF GA
Uruguay 1930 Semi-finals[3] 3rd 3 2 0 1 7 6

That’s right baby.  Bronze mother fucker.  How about more recent results?

United States 1994 Round of 16 14th 4 1 1 2 3 4
South Korea Japan 2002 Quarter-finals 8th 5 2 1 2 7 7

Sunil Gulati needs to swing the axe immediately to get us ready for the next round of qualifiers coming up in a few months.  Spare me the Bruce Arena talk. Remember that time you got back with your Ex and everyone lived happily ever after?  Me either.  It never works.  They are your Ex for a reason dick head.

Who could really take over the job? 

You have the Americans:

Sigi Schmid – Proven winner at the club level.  Recently fired from Seattle who has gone on to great success without him.  Don’t like him.  Don’t think he has a shot. 

Caleb Porter – Current coach of the Portland Timbers.  Had great success at Akron.  Developed many young players in the MLS.  Had a stint with the US at the youth level and failed miserably.  He’s one to watch in the future but he isn’t ready for the gig now.  

Peter Vermes – Coach of Sporting KC.  Loves possession.  I think he is a progressive coach.  He’s kind of struggled to win the big one in the playoffs.  Ehh, not for me.

Bob Bradley – Current coach of Swansea City in the EPL.  Soon to be looking for a job.  Swans are garbage and will be relegated to the Championship which might be more Bob’s speed.  Also, see Arena, Bruce.  No ex’s allowed.  

Basically there aren’t good options domestically so where do we go?  My NO.1?

frank de boer.jpg
Frank de Boer
Football manager
Franciscus “Frank” de Boer is a Dutch football manager and former player. A former defender, he spent most of his professional playing career with Ajax, winning five Eredivisie titles, two KNVB Cups, one UEFA Cup and one UEFA Champions League. Wikipedia
Born: May 15, 1970 (age 46), Hoorn, Netherlands
Height: 5′ 11″
Ole Frankie was wildly successful in Holland before moving to Italy to take charge of Inter Milan this season.  That is a big job but one that didn’t last long.  Patience is not a virtue in Italy and he was let go unceremoniously over the phone.  I think his style and attitude would be perfect with our current group of young players coming through.  He’s available, talented and young. (46)  He also has World Cup experience as an assistant on the 2010 Dutch squad.  Let’s make the move now and be done with it. 
marcelo-bielsa
Long shots:
Marcelo Bielsa

Currently out of contract.  He has experience at the highest level in both the club and international space.  He’s a wild card in ever sense of the word.  This would be a bold move and one that could back fire but I don’t hate it. 

vincenzo
Vincenzo Montella
This guy is young.  He’s most likely unknown to anyone reading this but he has AC Milan rolling since taking over.  Yes, he’s currently just started in his new position but might the opportunity with the US be enticing enough to lure him away?  The US is nearly guaranteed qualification and he’d be set until after 2018.  Who knows but this is the kind of outside-the-box thinking we need to make the right hire to lead us to the next level. 
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